But just this week I asked for your prayers for something I spent the entire past week praying about. That's the thing - I can logically dismiss the existence of God, but I cannot faithfully dismiss him, or remove him from my heart, as corny as that sounds. When tragedy strikes, my knee-jerk reaction is "Dear God, please...". I can honestly say my life is better because of him, or at least the concept of him. The concept of a God who died for me and who would be disappointed in me if I screwed up is something that has kept me in check for most of my life. But how does this differ from deciding Gandalf from Lord of the Rings is real and following the ideas outlined in those novels?
I'm convinced that the idea of God is something that has a profound impact on this world - both good and bad. I'm just not convinced that God is a real actual thing that exists in the way the Bible declares he does.
...
I've been sitting here for the past five minutes trying to figure out what to say next. I think the reason my faith has been shaken so dramatically is because I have taken a severely critical eye to the Bible. I haven't shared all of the holes I've poked, and theories I've come up with, but ever since I started I've been trying to logically pick apart the supernatural elements of the Bible. And now that I'm getting closer to the end, I'm not finding that big moment of personal proof that I needed to make it sure for me.
I am a person who is easily swayed one way or another. I could hear a great sermon tomorrow and be totally convinced of God's existence and omniscience all over again. I think I need to make this documentary I've been talking about making. I don't want to lose God from my life. I don't want to cast off his existence and remove his presence from my life. That's a weird thing to say about something that I used to be convinced was as real as my hands.
Maybe we can start here.
Believers - what makes God real to you?
Non-Believers - what makes you sure of God's non-existence?
Reading from December 18
Disclaimer: for the sake of the rest of the readings, I'm going to assume God is real and exists and these stories are true unless I find something that really sticks out.
Habakkuk 1:1-3:19
OK. Before I even go any further, this is person who is unsatisfied with God's customer service. "The problem of evil" in other words.
2 How long, LORD, must I call for help,I have made this point before on this blog - this does not fix the problem of evil, but it shows that even the faithful writers of the Bible - who were perhaps the closest people to God in history - still had trouble with the idea of a God who loved his people and his creation and allowed injustice and destruction to occur on his watch. The next section is titled "The LORD's Answer". Let's see what he says.
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
4 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.
God's response to Habakkuk is "Babylon is coming to kill you." That's his answer to "Why are you letting injustice happen?" His answer is "I'm sending Babylon to kill you." Rightfully, Habakkuk complains to God once more.
You, LORD, have appointed them to execute judgment;Exactly! God is someone who cannot tolerate evil. I have speculated on the idea of pre-Jesus God being like a robot who only sees right and wrong. Sin = punishment...no matter the context. So why then, should he allow injustice to occur simply to make a point or to prove how big and powerful he is?
you, my Rock, have ordained them to punish.
13 Your eyes are too pure to look on evil;
you cannot tolerate wrongdoing.
Why then do you tolerate the treacherous?
Why are you silent while the wicked
swallow up those more righteous than themselves?
God's response to this is basically a statement of his values. A lecture on sin and the result that sin. One could read into that to mean that Babylon will receive the punishment he outlined, but then it would be using Babylon to punish Israel only to destroy Babylon - why even bother with any of it?
The book closes with Habakkuk's response. This literally brought me to tears just now. Behold this man's unrelenting faith...as he remembered God's terrifying punishment and history of anger here is what he said...
16 I heard and my heart pounded,How do I get that faith?
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
This is my new favorite book of the Bible.
Also, verse 16 is the most palpable verse in the whole scripture. This is a real dude who is telling it like it is.
Revelation 9:1-21
3 And out of the smoke locusts came down on the earth and were given power like that of scorpions of the earth. 4 They were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads. 5 They were not allowed to kill them but only to torture them for five months. And the agony they suffered was like that of the sting of a scorpion when it strikes. 6 During those days people will seek death but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them.
SH*T!
12 The first woe is past; two other woes are yet to come.SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T! SH*T!
Psalm 137:1-9
4 How can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?
How could you not?
Proverbs 30:10
10 “Do not slander a servant to their master,
or they will curse you, and you will pay for it.
Dear God,
It's certainly been a while since one of these. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm having trouble believing in you right now. God, if your word has taught me anything its that going through a struggle or painful period is intentional - whether its from you, or fate or chance - its purpose is to strengthen its victim. If you are responsible for the hard times lately, thank you. I am trying to "consider it pure joy" as your word has taught me.
God, please reveal yourself to me in whatever way is possible. I know I'm not supposed to ask you to do that, but I'm sure other have asked you. In fact I think a few dudes in the Bible asked you to do that. I don't remember how it turned out for them - maybe I should take it back just to be safe.
God, whether you're there or not, I love you. You have made my life what it is. You have shaped me as a person. You have made me who I am. My belief in you has made me who I am. Please don't let me dismiss you so easily.
Brandon.
say DONALD... good stuff! you are open and honest about your thoughts and feelings about God which I think too few people do. I hope and pray that your journey will give you more wisdom and faith in Christ.
ReplyDeleteI got a book for Christmas that I think you should read. In fact, it's so good that I demand that you read it. No questions asked. The book is called, "Good News for Anxious Christians: 10 Practical Things You Don't Have To Do". I got excited when I found out about it because it is written by my favorite professor at Eastern, Dr. Phil Cary. This book is transforming in that it lays out why a lot of modern christianity is leading us further from God, causing us to question our faith in the process. Here is the link for Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Good-News-Anxious-Christians-Practical/dp/1587432854 This is not a self help book. This is the gospel being preached to Christians.
I too appreciate your honest journey here. I think the questions you ask are very good, and ones that more should ask. Many of us have had our spiritual growth stunted because we do not ask challenging questions like these, but feel we simply need to accept (or reject) what we were taught early in our faith journeys. I believe that you will come out on the other side of this struggle much stronger with a real faith that makes sense to you.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that your faith in God has not been challenged so much as your faith in the Bible or, maybe better said, your faith in the way you used to read the Bible. I would encourage you to find some good resources on the Bible that allow for other than literal readings and give you a good grounding in Biblical context - our attempts to understand the original author's intent for what was written in addition to the layers of understanding that we have piled on in two millennia of interpretation.
LIke Chris, I have a book recommendation for you too - Simply Christian: Why Christianity Makes Sense by NT Wright. He addresses many of the questions you have raised, including the existence of God and the authority of Scripture. Here is one of my favorite quotes:
"Many of the questions we ask about God can't be answered directly, not because God doesn't know the answers but because our questions don't make sense. As CS Lewis once pointed out, many of our questions are, from God's point of view, rather like someone asking, 'Is yellow square or round?' or 'How many hours are there in a mile?' "
Um, this is going to be super cheesy, but for my PTS application, I had to write about myself. One of those "testimony" things. It's not that well written (in retrospect, I can't believe I got in!), but I thought it may help by putting up parts of it...
ReplyDeleteLogically speaking, I shouldn’t be here.
Four years ago, I was an incoming junior at Rutgers University registering for journalism courses with dreams of taking down a presidency Bob Woodward-style swirling in my head. I also thought Christianity was a joke; I soaked in my philosophy classes with religious vigor, adding points to my card-carrying atheist credentials. Having cried after George W. Bush’s re-election I declared war on the fairy tale-façade that was corrupting our minds, blocking scientific achievement, and preventing societal progress.
Despite this, I always had a drive to help people. I had a deep passion for issues relating to social justice and American politics. I volunteered for a soup kitchen. I ranted to all my friends about the latest causes that needed awareness, the wars that enraged me, and the news commentaries that brought the truth to light. I knew that my life would involve reaching out to those marginalized in society.
I never thought, though, that Christianity would play a part in it. My 20-year-old self would never believe that I would be aspiring to become a pastor in the church. In fact, I would have condemned all those who did as nihilists....
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ReplyDeleteReluctantly, I started attending my friend’s church, Outreach Red Bank. As I came to know Christ, I realized I had been obsessed with being a savior: saving my ex-girlfriend, saving the world through journalism or politics, saving myself. In my struggle to be a good, selfless person, I ended up prideful and arrogant. To learn that a loving God had already saved me through the death and resurrection of His only Son was good news indeed. What did I do to deserve to even know this?
ReplyDeleteWhen I talk about my faith to others now, I remember that I know what it feels like to be apart from God. In my comfortable middle-class life, I was dead, spending sleepless nights worrying about the finality of our mortality, the lack of meaning in a godless world, and the futility of all human efforts. I hope God uses me to reach out to those who, like myself, would have never imagined stepping into a church.
..
blah blah blah, it goes on. Now, for the record, there are also many "logical" reasons why I think Christianity at the very least isn't as intellectually stupid as the modern world thinks. I think Christians concede the "well, you can't prove him scientifically" argument too quickly (ie, why is the scientific method the be-all-and-end-all of truth? For even scientists have a whole slew of assumptions that they bring to the table prior to a "hypothesis." (And yes, I do believe in evolution and global warming.) Do you honestly think the Enlightenment's view of a society of "progress" culminating in some rational-filled utopia is not just as irrational?)
ReplyDeleteBut I thought I could answer your question by pointing back to my story. God has had quite a dramatic impact in my life, and I truly believe it was the work of Christ through the Holy Spirit. But even more so than anything to do with my life, I believe in a God that wants no less than to save all of creation, and one who did that by becoming a man, knowing our suffering, and dying a shameful death on the cross.