Reading from Wednesday, August 25

Hey there. So I read this article today about how there are a ton of Christian teens in America today, but the majority of them are practicing what the author of the article called "watered down" faith. Where God is seen as someone who only wants us to be happy, and there is no sharing of the idea that God was kind of a butt hole and sometimes still is. Nor is it being preached that we should love each other sacrificially - to our own detriment.

One of the main points of the article is that these teens, when asked about their faith, cannot conjure up a tangible response, or mission statement. They can't really explain what God means to them or what their faith is all about. And to a degree, there will always be elements of mystery surrounding God and faith, but I think having a clear statement of what you're all about is important - and that is something I never had until I started doing this project. I'm seeing the full character of God. I'm seeing the history of this religion; and realizing that it was disgusting at points, and that is making the Christ story that much more tangible to me.

So all that to say, I am very much like the slacker teens described in the article, but that has given me a portrait of what I need to start moving away from, and how I should progress forward.

Reading for August 25
Job 16:1-19:29
Gosh - this is the most intense book in the Bible. I am gripped by every word Job utters and every word makes me miserable. This is maybe one of the worst stories I've ever read - and through Job's lamentations, we learn more about what's been happening to him. He talks about how the townspeople ridicule him. He says that his breath repulses his wife. He says that all of his friends and brothers have abandoned him because of this terrible luck that has fallen upon him. So because of God's decimation of Job's life, a ripple extended out and ruined the last small joys he had left - Job literally has nothing at all except the hope of death.

Some of the things he says actually made me tear up at the amount of pain in his heart:

^16:12 All was well with me, but he shattered me;
       he seized me by the neck and crushed me.
       He has made me his target;
 ¹³ his archers surround me.
       Without pity, he pierces my kidneys
       and spills my gall on the ground.
 ¹⁴ Again and again he bursts upon me;
       he rushes at me like a warrior.

^17:7 My eyes have grown dim with grief;
       my whole frame is but a shadow. 

 ^17:13 If the only home I hope for is the grave, ^[b]
       if I spread out my bed in darkness,
 ¹⁴ if I say to corruption, 'You are my father,'
       and to the worm, 'My mother' or 'My sister,'
 ¹⁵ where then is my hope?
       Who can see any hope for me?

This is heartbreaking. Like, I'm legit sad for this guy that may have never existed.

Think for a moment - in your mind, imagine a box. Now fill this box with everything you love and everything you depend on. Your job. Your wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend. Your children. Your friends. Your parents. Your dog. Your cat. Imagine that most excellent box in your mind. It is the best box ever. It is your box. It is your whole life - everything you have that is a source of joy and hope and laughter and excitement - it's all in this glorious box.

Now imagine that God sets the box on fire and forces you watch. Everything you love is now burning alive and you are helpless. Once everything and everyone has been completely decimated - then you get cancer.

Let that feeling of loss and anger sit in your mind for a moment. Let it fester a little.

Is your heart beating a little faster?

OK, now. You have the floor. What do you have to say to God? No BS here - be honest. What do you say to God?

I just did this experiment for myself. Wanna know what my response was?

"Fuck you"

Excuse the language, but if we're being honest with ourselves here, that is my gut response, and I can't imagine anyone responding very differently. If you have a different response, please let me know in the comments. Seriously. I would like to know how something like that would effect your faith. For me, that type of loss and pain would more than warrant a complete betrayal and abandonment of my faith and God. I would never want to hear the name "God" ever again unless it was preceded by the F word.

Job however never curses God. He never abandons his faith. He certainly voices the injustice in the situation. That is his main point in almost every verse. But he never damns God or curses his name. His eyes were opened to the darkest part of our creator. A part that I believe still exists, though I believe it's sleeping.

But there's my fear of God. I think I'm finally afraid of God.

1 Corinthians 16:1-24

²²If anyone does not love the Lord—a curse be on him. Come, O Lord

No. This is not the message of Christianity. Maybe it's a poor translation, but...ah...I don't know...

I'm, like, depressed about Job. I can't focus on anything else. I want to help him and I am angry at God because of what he did to him. It's like finding out that your best friend hurt his wife whom you are also close with.

Anyway - that's the end of 1 Corinthians.

Psalm 40:1-10
See stuff like this makes Job even more frustrating to read:

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
       he turned to me and heard my cry.
 ² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
       he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.

David definitely had his share of hardships as well. But God delivered David from those hardships. David was crowned as the new Abraham essentially. He fathered the lineage of Christ. Where is Job's justice? Where is the savior that descended from the line of Job?

Where is the justice?

"Perfectly just" my butt.

Proverbs 22:1
 ¹ A good name is more desirable than great riches;
       to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.