Yo momma so fat, she needs a wheelbarrow to turn the other cheek.
Yo momma so fat, when she was born, the priest had to baptize her in installments.
Yo momma so fat, she had to be born again by C-section.
Now why did Nora send this to me? I don't know...probably because its hilarious.
Reading for March 25
Deuteronomy 4:1-49
This section is God talking to the Israelites before they cross the Jordan into the promised land. He lays out a history of what has occurred so far for them since they were enslaved in Egypt. He recounts the multiple times that had direct interaction with God, hearing his voice on the mountain. He reminds them of the armies they were able to defeat and the miracles they saw that freed them from Egypt, and kept them alive while wandering the desert.
He reminds them of all of this so they don't stray from him once they inherit the promised land. I imagine it would be a legitimate fear of God's that his people would get the land they wanted and then turned their back on him. Which is why he is reminding them of these things - because he says that if they turn from him then they will be kicked out of Canaan and most of them will be killed.
The other important thing here is we're reminded that Moses will not go with his people to Canaan because of that party foul with the water from the rock incident. I would imagine that they should be getting in there soon, too. At this point, 40 years has already passed...
Luke 6:39-7:10
The image of a tree and it's fruit is a common one in the Bible. But this one is particularly interesting:
43"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.So, whatever is inside, will be reflected on the outside - sooner or later I guess. There are some real buttholes out there who put a lot of effort into appearing good.
The rest of this section talks about the faith of a Centurion. I think a Centurion was like a High Ranking Roman Soldier, and this one had a highly favored servant who was very ill. The Centurion had heard about Jesus and asked him to come and heal his servant. On his way there, Jesus was stopped by the Centurion, telling him not to come to his house, because he was not worthy of having him under his roof. But, he believed so strongly that Jesus was who he said he was, that he said "But say the word, and my servant will be healed."
The Bible then says that Jesus was "amazed" by him, and because of this, his servant was indeed healed. Imagine doing something that amazes Jesus. That's pretty sweet. Jesus closes out this section by saying, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel."
This kind of goes back to what I was saying last night about Christianity getting in the way of faith and good deeds. The Israelites were so focused on the old rules and customs that it was hard for them to have faith in someone who seemed to be so against everything they believed in. While outsiders just saw him as a miracle worker and simply believed that he was who he said he was - they had no reason not to...the children Jesus always talks about are probably the same way...which is why he tells us to accept the word like children. BOOM! Touchdown.
Psalm 68:1-18
Not really feeling this one...
Proverbs 11:28
28 Whoever trusts in his riches will fall,
but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.
Yo mama so trust in her riches, she fall.
Dear God,
Thank you for a good day. Thank you for helping me to make difficult decisions and to have the courage to talk to the right people about them. Thank you for my wife and my dog, and I pray that tomorrow is better than today.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
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