Friday, February 26

Yes yes. What a day it has been. The snow pretty much continued throughout the day, but I did get out with the camera and took some really cool night shots. I'll post them up here when I download them. After doing that I just hung out with Kreacher and played video games. Nice cuddly night in with my bulldog baby.

Reading for February 26 
Leviticus 19:1-20:21
You know, when I was a kid, I thought the entire Bible was stuff like Leviticus. That it was just a book of rules and do-not's. I'm glad there is so much more to it than that, because this book is incredibly difficult emotionally to get through. 

This is section of text in particular is an extremely tough chunk. There are some very good, well-intentioned things that God says, and then some scary, witch-hunt-inducing things. One of the things I liked that stuck out to me was this line:

 ⁹ " 'When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. ¹⁰ Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God.

It's basically telling people not to be greedy, and to share your wealth simply by leaving some of it "up for grabs" if you will. I like the imagery here, and it could be applied to so many things. It's also nice to see God actually caring about the poor people again. It seems like the rule book is ever-growing. 

Also. something that appears here is something that has appeared the most out of any of God's decrees so far - "honor your mother and father". This has been repeated and repeated throughout the first three books of the Old Testament. The other thing that God keeps repeating is to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. These two things are obviously extremely important to God.

The second half of this text focuses on the penalties for the "unclean" sexual acts which I read about  last night. And it's pretty scary, because most of the acts result in being killed, while others result in exile from the community. That pesky line about homosexuality is here again too, and this time there is no question about what God meant to say:

 ¹³ " 'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

Damn. No gettin around that one.  Obviously I disagree with this. But as I've said before, I need to either accept the whole Bible or reject the whole thing. On the other hand, I'm starting to see the whole picture. The Bible is a full and complete narrative about the history of our world, the Israelite people, and God's influence over tens of thousands of years.

So, God being unlikable and saying things that I cannot accept in my mind may not mean that I need to reject the entire Bible because of a few lines I disagree with. It could mean what I've been suspecting for some time - that the Old Testament is purely an illustration of what God used to be like, and how difficult it used to be for humanity. That the Old Testament serves as - among other things - a stark contrast of the way things were as compared to the way things are.

Mark 8:11-38

¹⁵"Be careful," Jesus warned them. "Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod."

I was so intrigued by this line, I actually decided to look it up. I thought about it for a while, thinking there was symbolic connection to this metaphoric yeast and the yeast which was forbidden by God at the time of passover back in Exodus. It doesn't look like it, at least not in a deep way. In the commentary I found, it says that yeast in those days was a symbol of a "secret, penetrating, pervasive influence, usually of corruptive nature." By this, he meant not to fall into the ways of the Pharisees and the ways of Herod. The Pharisees being stuck in their traditionalist ways and Herod being a total butthole.

Psalm 42:1-11
There is a hymn based on the opening line of this Psalm. I went to look it up because of the stark contrast of those lyrics and the actual words in the rest of this psalm. But when I found the Youtube video of the song, I couldn't help but listen. As corny as the song is, it does hold a special place in the old Brandon heart. When I decided, on my own to become a Christian, it was at a retreat center called Keswick.

This song, titled "As the Deer" was played quite a few times that weekend, and hearing it now really brought me back to that time when it was so simple to accept God into my life. Now, here I am completely jaded and teetering on the edge of my faith because of some serious issues I can't cope with in the Bible. Here I am,  looking to lam bast a song that was so integral in my becoming a Christian.

I've been quietly trying to prove all of this to myself ever since I started this project. And so far, I'm coming up dry. I'm starting to question what it is that made be believe in this in the first place...I can be completely honest and say that the first time I came to faith, it was in large part due to social pressure. The whole reason of going to the retreat was to "be saved" and I felt if I didn't "get saved" I would be missing out.

On the other hand, I felt something powerful that evening. I was completely overcome with emotion - to the point where the councilors were becoming worried about me. It seemed to be affecting me much more than the other hundred-or-so middle school kids there.

I was weeping. Like best friend just died, full out bawling. My hands also went completely numb and I distinctly remember the feeling in my thumbs. It was as if an invisible force was pulling them back as far as they would go. I honestly had no control over them. I had chills and was shaking all over. So in defense of my fragile faith, the night I came to believe I was not faking anything to fit in with my peers. In fact, the opposite happened - people were a little weirded out by me after that night, seeing what happened. It could have been a subconscious mental crutch that created that rush of emotion so I could look all super Christian, or it could have been God, or the Holy Spirit filling my body. I will say that I haven't experienced anything remotely similar before that night, nor have I since...

The story of the Bible itself is beautiful. If it is read as fiction it is inspiring, uplifting, challenging and incredible. But I suppose there is only so much studying one person can do. It really comes down one question: do you believe this is true, or don't you? Do you believe that sin exists? That we cannot be with God because of it? Do you believe that because Jesus died for everyone on earth to absolve them of sin, we may now be in harmony with God? I'm not sure whether or not I can say yes to all those things at this point...this is a very scary feeling...

Proverbs 10:17

 ¹⁷ He who heeds discipline shows the way to life,

       but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.

I haven't prayed in a while. If people asked why I stopped writing my prayers out on the blog, I was going to say, "I felt that giving up that level of personal detail was too much, and I've decided to pray on my own after writing." I never got a chance to tell that lie, because no one ever asked. I haven't been praying at all lately because of these nagging issues. I haven't felt like really talking to God after seeing how he acts in some of the Old Testament books. It has instated a fear of God...hey look at that - I finally achieved a fear of God. But it doesn't feel right. This is more like a fear of an abusive parent. Maybe fear isn't even the right word - 'apathy' would probably be more accurate...

If you're the praying type, maybe throw one up to the big guy for me tonight...thanks.